We now find ourselves on day two of my illustrious blog and I'll be perfectly honest...I'm not an honest person, but what I am, is a genius. So, I don't really have anything else to say really but I will tell you that all that glitters is not mold...mold doesn't glitter, that's ridiculous...if mold glittered we, being the greedy bastards that we are, would be up to our necks in beautiful and shiny mold. You know what I mean?
Anyway, without further Apu, I give you my ratings of the day...
Today's person that is most likely to be called "naughty" by Mary Tyler Moore after giving her a penis shaped cake for her birthday of the day is:
The construction worker from 1970's gay ass pop group and inspiration for M. Night Shyamalan's 2004 film The Village, The Village People
Today's person that is most likely to accidentally purchase an Emeril Lagasse autographed apron off of eBay for $17,000 while experimenting with psychedelic drugs of the day is:
TV's Brad Garrett
Today's person that is most likely to masturbate while reading T.H. White's The Once and Future King of the day is:
Congresswoman Madeleine Bordallo of Guam
Today's person that is most likely to redo all twelve years of public school in an effort to impress his upscale hotel chain owning father, thus winning the right to run the company in his stead of the day is:
A tie between 15th Century Portuguese Explorer Vasco Da Gama and Billy Madison
And finally...
Today's person that is most likely to stand alone before a vast army of nature's most terrible beasts wielding not but an out of date map of New Jersey water park Break Water Beach and a Nerf Ballzooka of the day is:
Reality television failure and American Idol runner up Elliott Yamin
That's it. Thank you for your time. That's all yokes!
Richard Sandwich Esquire
1 comment:
hahaha. inspiration to the 2004 film the village.
oh, and way to bring Vsco De Gama into the mix, he really hasn't been in the press enough lately.
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